Bad Consolatio

"The consolatio is a type of ceremonial oratory used to comfort mourners at funerals. It was one of the most popular classical rhetoric topics...consolatio works draw from a relatively narrow range of arguments aimed at offering solace, to allay the distress caused by the death of a loved one, a matter of ill fortuna. The conventional opening of a consolatio was All must die."

You'd better get used to this because we're only going to be back here for the next funeral

Well, first of all, knock it off

I suppose you're going to tell me you think he shouldn't have died. Well what I want to know is who doesn't die?

Literally why are you crying

Marcia. Marcia. Listen – Marcia – you know what your son dying has in common with all other sons who have ever lived on the planet?

Well, for heaven's sake don't wallow; you'll only make it worse

By all means continue to bewail the disorder of your mind – if you would have that disorder increased tenfold!!!!

Look on the bright side: Nothing can subdue virtue!

I have to say you handled the death of your parents much more impressively than you are handling the death of your children right now

Seems to me like a few of you, in your times of greatest need, have forgotten all about your first and best friend, who stands most able to help you: Philosophy

[Impatiently] Listen. All things have their needful order

Friends! Ask yourselves: Is this Roman?

Why don't we all try to cultivate a little bit of shutting up

Oh does crying bring back the dead?

Well, if your sight has been dimmed with much weeping, it stands to reason you're not going to see very clearly

Let's not forget nature's greatest remedy, time

Think of Tiberius!!!

If you're not going to climb in the coffin after him you might as well start to get a hold of yourself, if you ask me

Honestly you should count yourself lucky that not everybody is dead

I can think of a few pretty famous women who handled far greater losses a lot more impressively than this bunch – I don't want to name names, but Livia certainly comes to mind...

Can I ask you a quick question? Is it always noon? I mean is the sun always in the sky for noon, or does it sometimes set so that it's evening, or night time? Great, so you do understand the basic concept of impermanence

Remember your duties, maybe that will help

Animals also mourn their dead but they do it so much faster than this. Have you tried following the example of say a cow

Technically what touches one touches all. So you're not special just because this is your husband's funeral

Look imagine you're taking a trip to Syracuse, right

Okay go ahead and name one person who has never died

Well I'm sorry that you feel that way

[Image via Wikimedia Commons]