Build Your Own Jim Croce-Style "Big Man Gets What's Coming To Him" Song

IN WHAT FOLKSY NEIGHBORHOOD THAT NO LONGER EXISTS AS SUCH DID HE REIGN?

• Radio Row
• North Chicago Brickyard
• Canal Commons
• Asphalt Alley
• Heartbreak Hollow
• Corduroy Beach
• Stingaree, San Diego
• Underground City
• Streetcar Tar Banks
• East Cat Square
• Underneath the Flytown Bridge
• Old Pennsylvania
• Hootenanny Hill
• Rough Bottom Heights
• Sweet 62nd Street

WHAT DO THEY CALL HIM?

• Sweet Licorice Clark
• Frankie Fridge
• Top Hat Lester
• Powerball Pete
• Bad Time Rick
• Friday Joe
• Downtown Dave
• Low Down Dan
• Big Tooth Bill
• Mister Sir
• Tin Pan Hank
• Suicide Neil

WHAT'S HE STRONGER THAN?

• A one and one-half bear
• Big old bright blue sky
• A new dollar in America
• Toughest man in Toronto
• Mama's moonshine
• Whole Salvation Army too
• Anyone in southern Illinois
• Pot of coffee that the diner brews
• A mean dog on a long leash
• Knuckle sandwich freshly made

GIMME SOME STATS

• Sky foot nine weighs two sixteen
• Drives a car big as a truck
• With fists the size of jars
• Beehives instead of shoes on his feet
• Too big for his bed
• Six-foot stride, a Lincoln wide
• Strong as he's big and as big as he's mean
• Stoplights and men all turn yellow when he's downtown
• Head like Rushmore, legs like trees

WHAT'S HE FLASHIER THAN?

• Ten Rockefellers
• Man with a big cigar
• A shoeshine stand
• The Broadway lights
• A couple dozen neon signs
• A great white's mouth
• A double martini and twice as cold
• Roller derby jukebox queen
• A big brass band
• A poison snake
• A player piano out on the Vegas strip

WHO'S DELIVERING HIS COMEUPPANCE?

• Boy name of Mugs Monroe
• Saginaw Joe
• Young Cassandra from West Alabama
• Two-Top Jim Latini
• Peacock Preston
• A workin' man
• Woman by the name of Madge
• Little French-Canadian fellow with a mustache like a broom
• Canvas Johnny from Suwanee

[Image via Wikimedia Commons]