Out: That Welsh Tidy Mouse. In: Rat That Does Your Returns
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The gerbil that does a decent job with curtain bangs
![](https://www.thestopgap.net/content/images/2024/03/guineapig.jpg)
The New Jersey guinea pig that combs The Strategist 's “The 66 Best Gifts For Every Boyfriend” for you
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The rat that always correctly identifies plagiarism
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The time-traveling flying squirrel that can go back to 2006 and open a 529 in your child's name
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The American fuzzy lop rabbit that fills out FAFSA
![](https://www.thestopgap.net/content/images/2024/03/space.jpg)
Chinchilla who travels to space, lands on an asteroid, and tells you if you can mine it at great profit
![](https://www.thestopgap.net/content/images/2024/03/squirrel.jpg)
The squirrels that pay off your student loans by stuffing $20s into a hole
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Hamsters that prompt AI to write rodent-forward stories putting heritage news out of business
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The naked mole rat bag man that whispers advice to you so you always appear charming in public
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