All I Want To Be Is A Beloved Underdog

Who eternally overcomes the never-ending obstacles placed before him, but with genuine dramatic tension accompanying each new struggle, rather than a sense of repetition or foregone conclusion --

Hot Guys I've Waited Tables With, Part One

I had an unconsummated and ideal love with someone both proximate yet fascinatingly unknowable, I had been initiated into the secret cant of cash-register operators and given a uniform, and I was getting free cheeseburgers nearly every time I turned around.